I use Film and I struggle………

Here it finally is. My first post on this corner of the web. I had this all planned. The day, the topic, but then life happened. So this is the re-crafted version of the original post about my love and passion for using film. And my struggle…………………Yes, I struggle.

Specifically I struggle sometimes with seeing something that moves me and putting aside the thought that I have to photograph it. I am not my camera, I am me. I see. I hear. I think. I feel. I would like to say my camera changes none of this, but it does, and not always for the better. I have struggled and sometimes still do, with the fact that my cameras are sometimes distractions. Maybe not major distractions, maybe sometimes just minor distractions. But that fraction of a second I am glancing at them is a fraction of a second I am not getting lost in the world around me. But I know that photography for me is not rooted in equipment. I don’t even need a camera on my person to be a photographer, it just may mean that I don’t bring home any images for anybody but myself, and those are locked away in my memory and the core of my soul.

I seek places like ancient forests or deserted beaches not to make pictures but to experience all that hidden magic that can be found: silence both in my mind and the world around it, chilled, crisp, clean air, a beautiful and simple world. I happen to carry cameras on these escapes, I happen to often use those cameras, and I happen to sometimes bring back visible images to share. But none of that is the point and so sometimes those cameras undermine the point. But I know this too and I make a point to do what I can to avoid it. It is one reason I like medium format film so much. I get only twelve exposures on my Hasselblad. So I pick and choose those photos… much more time passes between when that camera goes from being at rest hanging from my shoulder to pressing the shutter. Moments, minutes, even hours or lifetimes.

The fewer photos I can make, the fewer photos I do make, the more I see.

http://www.berndkugow.photos

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